Wednesday, August 6, 2008

beautiful disaster

how is it that God can even keep up with us? i only have two children and i have no idea how to react when they are out living their lives. they have friends that come and go, family members that, as of late, are trying to use them as leverage. i realize that they are of the age that they have to make their own decisions about who to let in their lives. i can't slam the door in the face of the world, and keep it at arms length. i tried that last year by homeschooling them. (they will be attending public school this coming year...)
the hardest part, i'm finding, is NOT viewing their relationships with others, through the lens of all of my failed friendships and past hurts. i realize that i get cynical when it comes to friendships. i HAVE been hurt, and certainly don't want that for them. i still have a job to do, to protect them physically, but yikes, trusting their little hearts to other people...i'm SO not ready for that.
i know that God holds me in His hands and does the same to my little ones, but this is my struggle with being a mom. i think anyone can make it through labor, midnight feedings, cuts and scrapes, tantrums etc... on their own, but broken hearts are definitely God's department.
i think that just as we can't accuse someone of wrong doing, before we fix what we've done wrong, we can't help others heal, until we allow God to heal us first. i pray that healing comes swiftly!

2 comments:

nathan said...

welcome to the blog world ... can't wait to hear about Miller life ...

Erica said...

Kristen I love this blog. It is definitely something that I am not looking forward to. You will have encourage me when I get there.

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