school starts again in two days, and i have the option to find someone to hang out with and stay busy, or stay home, lock the door and start going through all of our stuff, packing and preparing to move. oh yeah, and look for a place to move. that process will have to start sometime. seeings how i'm a "rip the band aid off quick" kind of girl, i am thinking Monday will be a day for xanax, tissues and locking the door. waking up to reality is BS most of the time if you're honest with your self.
*a side note to the few that have said i need to move on past the anger stage into acceptance and move on with my life...hasn't had to loose their husband 3 weeks before the holidays, your birthday and sick kids all at once. (plus you're probably not reading this, you just go off of my status on Facebook, and may not even understand or cared to ask what happened at that very moment i posted something), I am NOT mad at God! i am BROKEN HEARTED! the anger comes out when you try to go get something out of the garage so you can go on a tree run with the kids, but need all the snow gear, and all you can see in front of you are things you can't reach, or all of the things that were his, because the garage was him domain. or trying to find that one "part" you need and he's the only one who knew where it was. so yeah, if you REALLY want to see me angry, keep writing my emails telling me how to better handle my emotions.
~for the rest of you who actually have gone through a loss or have grieved right along with us these last two years, thank you for being supportive and letting me vent. i don't plan on being in the anger/depressed stage forever, and allowing me to get out how i feel really does help me get to the "ok" stage a little faster.