Saturday, August 30, 2008

taking a day off from drama

i have soooo enjoyed today. i got my chores done, minus one. (my brand new "weed hacker" broke. i've used it once and now it decided to take a break too, i guess).
made it to the store. decided to splurge a little and buy some flowers and wine. why not, right?
tried to keep the leaves out of the pool for a couple of hours. thank goodness i had help. ate a really yummy meal that i got to cook with a good friend. even went for desert. it was low fat, but i think i made up for it with the dinner... meatballs are NOT fat free. i needed a day like today. all feels like it's right with the world. FINALLY!

now i'm off to slumber. goodnight ya'll.

Friday, August 29, 2008

being comfortable in the silence

i'm not good at it.
if i have any kind of down time, i try to fill it up with meaningless myspace games, cleaning, watching food network and drooling, wishing i had the money to go to a gourmet store so i could make it too...

it seems that after this week, i would want to just curl up in bed and sleep.
i would like to, somewhere deep inside me, but sleep doesn't ever seem to come. even nap time eludes me. someone ALWAYS calls or rings the door bell, the dogs bark, or the kids need something that they have been capable of getting for themsleves for years now.

seeking God out during those times seems to be the last thing i do. i'll try picking up my Bible again, and soaking up the joy that He always gives me when i am bone dry. oh man am i dry. the redding heat and wind hasn't helped. i do find it funny that i pray for silence when the world around me is spinning out of control, but when i have it, i don't know what to do with it. weird.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

under attack

satan is pulling out the big guns. i can't go into details, but the miller house is in a serious battle, and we keep getting hit in waves. 3 huge things in the last 2 and 1/2 days. not to mention the other trivial stuff that i wrote about eariler this week. it's funny how quickly life puts things in perspective.

please please please pray for us.

Wednesday, August 27, 2008

providence and dutch bros.?

yup! i do believe in providence.
it was for a day like today that God put a dutch bros. by my house.

i'll set the scene for you:
~i haven't slept well for at least three weeks, so i'm a LITTLE on edge.
~i'm not very nice in the mornings anyways without coffee.
~we ran out, so i was planning on re-heat this morning.
~i woke up to, "honey i have bad news". (the side story here, is that randy was knealing next to conor who was laying on the couch, and my first thought was, "oh man, conor's sick, so i will go grab a cup of coffee, and then figure out what to do next...)
~randy, "we're out of coffee........and i dumped the re-heat because i wanted to make you a fresh pot."
~me, "you dumped the re-heat?"

he stayed for about 2 minutes, then was like "uh, i gotta go..."

so i battled through the morning, and i mean battled. then dropped the kiddos off at the bus stop and made a mad dash to dutch bros. to grab my carmely soy goodness. i also got to see derrick, "hi derrick", and a poster on the window for the myriad concert coming up soon. i looked at the picture of randy, and thought to myself, 'you are so lucky buddy'.

Monday, August 25, 2008

it has been SUCH a monday!!!

my phone broke. i made like 3 mistakes @ work, including saying "SHIT!" when mistake number 2 was happening, (in front of a patient), my brain hasn't been working correctly, and i was informed by verizon that i will be paying full price for a my new phone since i used my free upgrade to get my mother-in-law her new phone for christmas, that she proceeded to drop in the pool a couple of months later. plus i can't drop her line for another year and 3.2 months or that will cost $165 more... grrrrr!!!! tomorrow can only be better right?

so here's a pic of my new phone that is INSURED!!! i don't make the same mistake twice.

Sunday, August 24, 2008

happy sunday!

that seems to be a common greeting in the miller house, once the smell of coffee fills the house and the kids have had their initial morning hug attack. as a young girl i used to cringe when Sunday rolled around because it meant waking up early to sit on uncomfortable pew's at the Methodist church we attended, the weekly chore i had of picking up dog poop, and school resuming the next day... yeah, my kids have such a hard life... the only time they pick up dog poop is when they sass a little too much.

ANYWAYS! i love Sunday's now. we start with a really good cup of coffee, or two, followed by omelets, conversations with the kids, a couple of chores just to make Monday roll a little smoother, and then we get to do whatever the heck we want. we usually fill up the day spending time with friends which is mostly for my benefit. it's called FELLOWSHIP people!!! plus, we actually want to go to church once the evening time rolls around. thank you Nate for having the guts to tell people it's o.k. to worship God whatever time of day. it doesn't have to be at the crack of dawn. i find that He get's more of me when i'm actually awake.

so happy Sunday ya'll. see you in a few hours...

Saturday, August 23, 2008


i feel like i woke up in the twilight zone.
i guess i fell asleep around 9 last night, or so i was told.
i felt drugged or just extreamly tired from such a long week.
i woke up @ 5am, then dozed back off for a couple of hours,
and that's when the weirdness starts.
there is already some crazy things going on during the day, but then it meshed perfectly with my dream cycle and so now i'm not sure what's real and what's not.
i hope that i figure it out before i yell at people for things that didn't really happen :)

Tuesday, August 19, 2008

day 2

i went through most of the day like a slug. i must admit it was nice. i even fell asleep on the couch around 7 o'clock, just to wake up in a panic realizing that i haven't read with the kids or gotten their clothes ready for school tomorrow. so i checked a few things off my list and tucked them into bed, and was mentally preparing myself for tomorrow. then jeremy came over to check out a project that randy is working on with him. that set "day 2" in motion for me.

the three of us had a great conversation. at that moment i was thankful for my cat nap the hour before. i certainly got my second wind. God showed up again and turned up the heat for me a little more. i thought i was done, that God had given me a day off to digest the previous nights revelations. NOPE! long story short, i got the courage up to talk to randy about some things that are on my heart. i even shared with him some of my blog. it's funny, even in marriage, Satan has a way of separating us from the ones who we should be able to trust our hearts with the most. we chuckled as we talked for a couple hours because we were both afraid to talk to each other about God.... really?!?! wow.

anyways, i've written enough for tonight. but change is coming for the miller's because that's how we roll. we never do the conventional thing, hence randy joining a band in his middle 30's, and our daughter having pink hair. I LOVE IT when we are walking with God. it is way more exciting than anything else this world has to offer.

be prepared for Him to answer when you ask.

i say, "God, talk to me face to face". so He knocks me on my a@#!
there's no night time fairy tale story of love and princesses and unicorns that may inspire john roger. no, God shows me the weight of the sadness and destruction of the earth and man kind.
what the?

i can't think of the name of the movie, but it was probably from the early 90's, and there was a point in the movie that the character sees the past, on tape, that he had missed for some reason, and is blown away and very saddened. i feel the same way right now, but it's for all of mankind...NOW!
i now realize that i have been sitting on my laurels and not doing much to help my community these last few years. He has upped my awareness of not only the distant future of our world in the hands of our children, but now, more for the young adults that are shaping, and VOTING our way into the future.

i have never been one to voice my opinion on politics, ever. i have always voted, but then merely watched as the majority vote took over and reined for 4 years at a time. today, i actually prayed for God's will for the future president, and He opened my eyes to something i can't yet put into words...

i have always been a HUGE fan of the book of revelation. not sure why, but i'm starting to think it's because God is using that to shape my future ministry. wow. where would that fit into 'the stirring'? it scares me to think of leading the "left behind" group. PLEASE GOD DON'T LET THAT BE ME!!! i just got chills...

anyways, day 1 for me has been a whirlwind of info, and it will take some time to digest all that is being sent my way. i need a journal...

Sunday, August 17, 2008

will God still love me when He see's me face to face?

we shall see.
the journey begins...

well, it's over.

or just beginning depending on how you look at it. the swim season ends and the cleanup begins.
the BBQ was fun. a lot of food remains in the frig. that should be a welcomed sight for randy when he gets home. maybe it will make up for the green pool. thank goodness for chemicals.

so to re-cap yesterday's festivities, we have my sis and her family here for the weekend, lots of close friends, all of our extended family, lots of meat, pasta, chips and YUMMY salsa, half empty juice boxes, glass bottles of numerous shapes and colors, one very sticky patio floor, sunburned shoulders, 2 loads of wet towels, (didn't know we had so many towels), an arsenal of toy guns, smiling faces, great conversations, and definitely some fun times...

i am almost ready to transition into the fall. who knows, there might still be time for a little more fun before we hang up our suits for the year.

Friday, August 15, 2008

last weekend of our summer...

i am growing more and more anxious as the day goes on. i can feel it welling up inside of me, and i'm trying VERY hard not to take out my 'feelings' on others. as i was showering, (that happens to be the only time i ever get to think strait), i realized that it's not because i am going to have a house full of people tomorrow, not the fact that it will cost a big chunk of change to feed those said people, or the mess that will follow from having company all weekend. it's not having to pack up my mother-in-laws things to ship to her. it's not even that my kids are starting school again on monday. it's the fact that once they start school, i will have to be a grown up again, and help provide for this household. it's not "all on me" since randy works too, but it's working AND running the kids around AND doing homework AND the housework AND grocery shopping AND all of those things that you can take at a leisurely pace during the summer months. august is always a time of transition. the difference is, this time, i feel the gravity of it before it all starts.

i will focus on all of those good things that God is throwing our way, including quality time with friends and family, good food, the chance to shop at costco for the first time in a few months, someone ELSE teaching my kids phonics and the fall just being around the corner, since that happens to be my favorite season. i think i will have a cup of coffee, and then get going... i will post some pics of our weekend at some point i'm sure.

Friday, August 8, 2008

well, i did it...

i "slammed the door on the face of the world", for the weekend at least...

as my daughter sits on the couch with an ice pack on one leg, one on her eye, and chewing on ice to stop the bleeding, i declared "ONCE DADDY GET'S HOME, NO ONE IS LEAVING THIS HOUSE!" (no one can enter either since there is flu germies floating around, and i'm out of bleach). but anyways, i'm not sure if i was weak or strong, but the walls are built and no one can get in for the weekend. we need to re-group and do some serious praying and strengthening of the miller household again.
hope to see you on sunday.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

beautiful disaster

how is it that God can even keep up with us? i only have two children and i have no idea how to react when they are out living their lives. they have friends that come and go, family members that, as of late, are trying to use them as leverage. i realize that they are of the age that they have to make their own decisions about who to let in their lives. i can't slam the door in the face of the world, and keep it at arms length. i tried that last year by homeschooling them. (they will be attending public school this coming year...)
the hardest part, i'm finding, is NOT viewing their relationships with others, through the lens of all of my failed friendships and past hurts. i realize that i get cynical when it comes to friendships. i HAVE been hurt, and certainly don't want that for them. i still have a job to do, to protect them physically, but yikes, trusting their little hearts to other people...i'm SO not ready for that.
i know that God holds me in His hands and does the same to my little ones, but this is my struggle with being a mom. i think anyone can make it through labor, midnight feedings, cuts and scrapes, tantrums etc... on their own, but broken hearts are definitely God's department.
i think that just as we can't accuse someone of wrong doing, before we fix what we've done wrong, we can't help others heal, until we allow God to heal us first. i pray that healing comes swiftly!

Monday, August 4, 2008

what the heck?

so on friday morning, i was on day 3 of getting closer to being a better pet owner, and getting some excercise at the same time, when our girl dog, tripped me as we were jogging. i can't really move my neck to talk, drive, sleep comfortably, or do anything else that needs to be done. one of which is to go buy more dog food, which is funny to me. ironic for her. bailey is our girl dog, and the most aggressive eater, and because of her, i can't... feed them. that makes me laugh, except that it hurts to, so i will move on.

my friends know that i have a love-hate relationship with my dogs. i love the fact that they are not in the house and hate the fact that i have to feel guilty everyday that Randy is gone, because he spends the quality time with them. he's the one who gets all the benefits of being a pet owner. i get to clean up the poop, (which this morning, was IN the garage), purchase the endless 50lb. bags of dog food, strip the dog hair from everything we own, keep them from barking when they shouldn't, walk, bathe, brush... grrr. i used to pride myself on being a pet lover until i had kids. now whatever time i have left over from being a mom, i spend trying to stay clean. two big labs aren't my idea of play toys.

one, particularly bad day for me and the dogs, my loving husband, who was in florida or hawaii, or somewhere else fun with the band, called, as i was in the midst of cleaning up another chewed up something that didn't belong to the dogs. i was beyond myself and crabby. i think i wanted to stay mad for awhile. it was one of those kinds of days. so my sweet husband, who was, keep in mind, gone for a month and a half at this point, preceeded to tell me to just lay down on the ground, let the dogs lick me and it would cheer me up. i looked around me at the dog hair on the ground, the dogs stareing at me, said a few choice words and thanked him for his "help", and hung up the phone. i still laugh at the differnce in opinion on what would make me happy in this situation. getting licked and mauled by two big filthy hairy dogs would NOT make me happy, but that shows the difference in how we are as pet owners.

so today, all i want to do is go jogging, with or WITHOUT the dogs, and i can't even move. it's a good thing i work at a chiropractic office. it's good that Randy is coming home today, and it's good that i don't have an appetite, because i can't work off any calories for a couple of days to come. so yeah, what the heck? one step forward, two very painful steps back.

Saturday, August 2, 2008

today's the day

i finally got to the point that i'm... bored. can't believe i said it. i never GET to be bored.

there's always something to do when you're a mom and wife. something needs to be cleaned, fixed, taught, fed or otherwise helped in some way. i'm sure that something needs to be done, but not today. today's the day that i choose to be bored.

so far so good. i woke up to day old coffee. it's peete's, didn't want to waste it. got on the ol' myspace. took out a couple of people on mafia wars. (i'm sure that will come back to haunt me). listened to my son talk, or mumble in his own 9 year old "boy language" about a game he just beat. he's beyond excited to share that with his daddy. hopped in the shower. walked out of my room to a smiling, excited little girl who just made pani-cakes all on her own. she's 7, and makes better pancakes than I-HOP. i think i'll share a pic with you...

so anyways, now i sit here, deciding to attempt this blog thing, knowing it's solely for my benefit since i will be the only one reading it and wondering if my spelling is correct, hoping that i can figure out how to upload the picture of this morning's breakfast... and wonder how the rest of the day will turn out. yep, today's the day for ME! woohoo!