He had blood work done yesterday that showed his red blood count was low and his white blood cell count was even lower. That's what helps him fight off illness. They haven't been this low until now. Yesterday, he started having all over nerve pain and his bones were aching. Last night, he didn't sleep well at all and his sinuses are killing him. Hopefully it's just allergies, but if he starts getting a cough or more body aches, he will have to to into the hospital to hopefully keep whatever he has from going into pneumonia. This is the first time i have been scared throughout all of this. I'm trying to keep my anxiety from him, but he is so stubborn that i'm afraid he will keep his sickness from me in order to tough it out. Even his Dr. gets frustrated with him.
He has another blood test today, but that won't do much other than say his counts are up or down. He won't run a fever even if he's sick because his WBC is so low. Fever's are GOOD!!! It's our body's natural defense. It means you fighters are fighting. He doesn't have any, maybe 2...
PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE pray he gets healthy!
When you LoVe first, the rest of the commandments fall into line on their own.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Castle Lake... again
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This time we had so much snow and it was so cold the lake was frozen over, people were ice fishing and we ate our picnic ON the lake. what a nice treat. Gotta love the "artic fox" doggie.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
spring time
i am so happy. even with everything going on. i love to smell the sweet blooms, enjoy little sun kisses and plan a garden... who am i kidding?!?! the blooms around my house have that bitter smell, i would never refer to sun burns on my kids faces as "sun kisses" and i haven't had a garden since i've been married. i am happy though. i DO enjoy the bright colored blooms, the smell of sunblock, and am REALLLLLLLY looking forward to putting in a salsa garden this year. it will happen.
i am officially working from home now. i couldn't be happier. talking the kids to school in slippers instead of heels, making lunch myself instead of whatever unhealthy thing looks good at 11am. planting a garden, taking care of and spending time with Randy, being here with a plate of cookies for the kids when they get off the bus... yes i am that mom. i am looking forward to all of the new possiblities that await me at home and around redding when i do step out and do sales. life is good for now. gonna go cuddle witht he family until i have to go to work the home show...
i am officially working from home now. i couldn't be happier. talking the kids to school in slippers instead of heels, making lunch myself instead of whatever unhealthy thing looks good at 11am. planting a garden, taking care of and spending time with Randy, being here with a plate of cookies for the kids when they get off the bus... yes i am that mom. i am looking forward to all of the new possiblities that await me at home and around redding when i do step out and do sales. life is good for now. gonna go cuddle witht he family until i have to go to work the home show...
Monday, March 23, 2009
no...relief?!?!
i guess medi-cal is going to continue to be a pain in my butt for the rest of my life. just got off the phone with my wonderful dr. i am so thankful to have him in our lives. he cares. more than most dr's it seems. well, i guess all of the dr's in our lives care because God has put them there, and they are ALL good to us, but anyways, he just called and told me that the hysterectomy will have to wait, because we have to do a T.A.R. once this surury is over, and hope that medi-cal will allow one. so as it sits, Dr. Perry will open me up, and if it's bad, he will wake me up and we will schedule a hysterectomy for 2 weeks from now. if it's not too bad, we can wait a couple of months. it will be done within this year though. it's all God's timing. can we all say PRIVATE INSURANCE!?!?!? (i'm not being ungrateful, just frustrated that they are willing to pay for 2 surgeries instead of one, makes PERFECT sense to me).
so i have 1 month for God to allow me to miraculously get pregnant. uuummm.... no! never mind. my name's not mary. anyone who reads this, feel free to laugh.
so i have 1 month for God to allow me to miraculously get pregnant. uuummm.... no! never mind. my name's not mary. anyone who reads this, feel free to laugh.
Saturday, March 21, 2009
Relief
The pinewood derby is over, "cookies" are made, Randy's settled into the hospital, our house is generally clean, twilight the movie is finally out and purchased... sheets are washed, Conor's reading, Gillian's doing her laundry. It is Saturday afternoon and I am sitting in front of my computer with a FRESH cup of coffee, and I can breath a sigh of relief for today at least. Tomorrow always seems to bring its own set of problems, but I think for today, it's all handled.
I spent the better part of last night, not sleeping, but trying to relax myself enough to doze off. My mind was fine, it was my body. I am really looking forward to having my surgery so I can put all of this behind me. Endometriosis has crept into so many parts of my body, making me feel like I am going out of my mind, and trying its best to take me out. I have prayed to God to take this from me without having to have a hysterectomy, because it seemed too much to deal with, with everything else going on, but He showed me this is the time to do it. My mom will be with me the whole time, but Randy won't. We'll both overlap each other in the hospital. But as a friend told me, "will you really want to have another child, under any circumstance, in the next 5 years?" The answer is no, under ANY circumstance. I have 2 beautiful babies to raise, a husband to love and take care of, and a body to get back into shape. There was more to that conversation, but i will leave it at that, and acknowledge that it helped me to make one of the hardest choices of my life. God gave me total peace about that last night, then my body relaxed and i drifted off to sleep.
Yeah haw!!!
I spent the better part of last night, not sleeping, but trying to relax myself enough to doze off. My mind was fine, it was my body. I am really looking forward to having my surgery so I can put all of this behind me. Endometriosis has crept into so many parts of my body, making me feel like I am going out of my mind, and trying its best to take me out. I have prayed to God to take this from me without having to have a hysterectomy, because it seemed too much to deal with, with everything else going on, but He showed me this is the time to do it. My mom will be with me the whole time, but Randy won't. We'll both overlap each other in the hospital. But as a friend told me, "will you really want to have another child, under any circumstance, in the next 5 years?" The answer is no, under ANY circumstance. I have 2 beautiful babies to raise, a husband to love and take care of, and a body to get back into shape. There was more to that conversation, but i will leave it at that, and acknowledge that it helped me to make one of the hardest choices of my life. God gave me total peace about that last night, then my body relaxed and i drifted off to sleep.
Yeah haw!!!
Thursday, March 19, 2009
laser tag, car exaust and 10 year old boys
... let me tell you, the smell in my truck was oh so manly.
was it worth it? heck yeah! laser tag is so much fun. all the kids and "big kids" had fun. everyone got super sweaty, some cooled off by driving go-carts, and ended up smelling like a trucker, and then there's the mixture of 3 boys who might start including deodorant in their daily routine, all mixed into one overwhelming smell in my truck. i have never enjoyed a kids birthday as much as conor's last night. then there was the sugar rush at the end of the night with ice cream, and a sour candy contest, and video games. REALLY GOOD TIMES!
i think for gillian's birthday, i posted a pic of her as a baby, so i feel the need to extend that love for conor, so here ya go:
i think this is the last time i can post a pic of him.... hahahaha. i do miss this age. Happy birthday Conor!Friday, March 13, 2009
100th blog
i'm glad that could be my title, because i couldn't think of anything else to use...
i'm sorry for not writing much lately. i felt the need to pull away for a little while and just think. i have had some major alone time lately as well, which has helped my spirit to heal some. i'm very thankful for that time. unfortunately i've been in a lot of pain physically, so it's hard to enjoy it, but learning to separate my mind from the pain has boosted my self control and helped me to focus on God and not me and my little world. things are all back in perspective, our trials of this earth, pain, disease, mistakes, hard work... they are all a part of what makes us who we are and are all designed to keep us close to God. He will allow some things to happen in order to keep us focused on Him.
while i was on my little mini-retreat, someone commented to me that "pain and suffering is proof that your God doesn't exist. if he loved you he would keep you from harm... as a mom, don't you try to keep your child from getting hurt?" my reply was simply this, " i enjoy the times that they do get hurt or sick since that's the only time i get to hold them". i walked away with my coffee in hand, and thought to myself, it's a good thing that God gave us fathers or we probably wouldn't ever get hurt, therefore never grow and learn. it's a mental picture for me of how God is a complete package: the all knowing father who helps grow us and forges us, and the gentle hands that hold us when we hurt.
this week, randy had the blessing of having "the talk" with the kids, plus more self defense moves. two very long and energetic conversations that i was not involved in. at first i felt the urge to come in and sensor what he was saying. then i felt realized that i was in too much physical pain to move (a pre-determined move by God?) so i just sat there and talked to God. He made me realize how lucky i was to have him here to have that talk, from the man's perspective. We need both people. i can't teach them choke holds and how to throw the best punch, or even why men do what they do. i wouldn't have to courage to have "the talk" with them yet, but i will have the open arms to hold them when they get hurt both physically and emotionally. i am thankful to have had that in my life.
there are people who come in and out of your life that God uses to forge you. and then there are the keepers. the ones who you can cling to when you're broken. the ones you celebrate victories with, vacation with, pray with. I HAVE THAT!!! thank you God for that. thank you for the love of a forgiving Father, for family and friends, and for the promise of eternity, even when we don't deserve it. it is during those times of trial that we yearn for heaven. if i forget that during the good times, then i pray that He reminds me what my focus should be, even if it means a little more pain right now. this is only temporary. His love is forever.
i'm sorry for not writing much lately. i felt the need to pull away for a little while and just think. i have had some major alone time lately as well, which has helped my spirit to heal some. i'm very thankful for that time. unfortunately i've been in a lot of pain physically, so it's hard to enjoy it, but learning to separate my mind from the pain has boosted my self control and helped me to focus on God and not me and my little world. things are all back in perspective, our trials of this earth, pain, disease, mistakes, hard work... they are all a part of what makes us who we are and are all designed to keep us close to God. He will allow some things to happen in order to keep us focused on Him.
while i was on my little mini-retreat, someone commented to me that "pain and suffering is proof that your God doesn't exist. if he loved you he would keep you from harm... as a mom, don't you try to keep your child from getting hurt?" my reply was simply this, " i enjoy the times that they do get hurt or sick since that's the only time i get to hold them". i walked away with my coffee in hand, and thought to myself, it's a good thing that God gave us fathers or we probably wouldn't ever get hurt, therefore never grow and learn. it's a mental picture for me of how God is a complete package: the all knowing father who helps grow us and forges us, and the gentle hands that hold us when we hurt.
this week, randy had the blessing of having "the talk" with the kids, plus more self defense moves. two very long and energetic conversations that i was not involved in. at first i felt the urge to come in and sensor what he was saying. then i felt realized that i was in too much physical pain to move (a pre-determined move by God?) so i just sat there and talked to God. He made me realize how lucky i was to have him here to have that talk, from the man's perspective. We need both people. i can't teach them choke holds and how to throw the best punch, or even why men do what they do. i wouldn't have to courage to have "the talk" with them yet, but i will have the open arms to hold them when they get hurt both physically and emotionally. i am thankful to have had that in my life.
there are people who come in and out of your life that God uses to forge you. and then there are the keepers. the ones who you can cling to when you're broken. the ones you celebrate victories with, vacation with, pray with. I HAVE THAT!!! thank you God for that. thank you for the love of a forgiving Father, for family and friends, and for the promise of eternity, even when we don't deserve it. it is during those times of trial that we yearn for heaven. if i forget that during the good times, then i pray that He reminds me what my focus should be, even if it means a little more pain right now. this is only temporary. His love is forever.
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