Friday, March 13, 2009

100th blog

i'm glad that could be my title, because i couldn't think of anything else to use...
i'm sorry for not writing much lately. i felt the need to pull away for a little while and just think. i have had some major alone time lately as well, which has helped my spirit to heal some. i'm very thankful for that time. unfortunately i've been in a lot of pain physically, so it's hard to enjoy it, but learning to separate my mind from the pain has boosted my self control and helped me to focus on God and not me and my little world. things are all back in perspective, our trials of this earth, pain, disease, mistakes, hard work... they are all a part of what makes us who we are and are all designed to keep us close to God. He will allow some things to happen in order to keep us focused on Him.

while i was on my little mini-retreat, someone commented to me that "pain and suffering is proof that your God doesn't exist. if he loved you he would keep you from harm... as a mom, don't you try to keep your child from getting hurt?" my reply was simply this, " i enjoy the times that they do get hurt or sick since that's the only time i get to hold them". i walked away with my coffee in hand, and thought to myself, it's a good thing that God gave us fathers or we probably wouldn't ever get hurt, therefore never grow and learn. it's a mental picture for me of how God is a complete package: the all knowing father who helps grow us and forges us, and the gentle hands that hold us when we hurt.

this week, randy had the blessing of having "the talk" with the kids, plus more self defense moves. two very long and energetic conversations that i was not involved in. at first i felt the urge to come in and sensor what he was saying. then i felt realized that i was in too much physical pain to move (a pre-determined move by God?) so i just sat there and talked to God. He made me realize how lucky i was to have him here to have that talk, from the man's perspective. We need both people. i can't teach them choke holds and how to throw the best punch, or even why men do what they do. i wouldn't have to courage to have "the talk" with them yet, but i will have the open arms to hold them when they get hurt both physically and emotionally. i am thankful to have had that in my life.

there are people who come in and out of your life that God uses to forge you. and then there are the keepers. the ones who you can cling to when you're broken. the ones you celebrate victories with, vacation with, pray with. I HAVE THAT!!! thank you God for that. thank you for the love of a forgiving Father, for family and friends, and for the promise of eternity, even when we don't deserve it. it is during those times of trial that we yearn for heaven. if i forget that during the good times, then i pray that He reminds me what my focus should be, even if it means a little more pain right now. this is only temporary. His love is forever.

3 comments:

Carrie Schmeck said...

Kristyn, Your raw faith is a beautiful thing. I loved your comeback to the "there is no God" comment. You are crushed, but not broken. I continue to pray for you all and think about you everyday. Keep walkin' Girl.

karen said...

Do you know that song that says something like, "Heal the pain but leave the scars"? The scars being a reminder of the many pains God helps us through in our lives. You are so good at taking something negative and turning it into a positive learning experience. You find your strength in Him; continue to lean on your Lord.

Carrie Schmeck said...

Just wanted you to know that the NCR worship team prayed specifically for Randy and your family on Sunday 3/15. Don't know why but we were definitely lead to do so. You are being held up by the prayers of many and, ultimately, the power of God Almighty.

Loading...