The pinewood derby is over, "cookies" are made, Randy's settled into the hospital, our house is generally clean, twilight the movie is finally out and purchased... sheets are washed, Conor's reading, Gillian's doing her laundry. It is Saturday afternoon and I am sitting in front of my computer with a FRESH cup of coffee, and I can breath a sigh of relief for today at least. Tomorrow always seems to bring its own set of problems, but I think for today, it's all handled.
I spent the better part of last night, not sleeping, but trying to relax myself enough to doze off. My mind was fine, it was my body. I am really looking forward to having my surgery so I can put all of this behind me. Endometriosis has crept into so many parts of my body, making me feel like I am going out of my mind, and trying its best to take me out. I have prayed to God to take this from me without having to have a hysterectomy, because it seemed too much to deal with, with everything else going on, but He showed me this is the time to do it. My mom will be with me the whole time, but Randy won't. We'll both overlap each other in the hospital. But as a friend told me, "will you really want to have another child, under any circumstance, in the next 5 years?" The answer is no, under ANY circumstance. I have 2 beautiful babies to raise, a husband to love and take care of, and a body to get back into shape. There was more to that conversation, but i will leave it at that, and acknowledge that it helped me to make one of the hardest choices of my life. God gave me total peace about that last night, then my body relaxed and i drifted off to sleep.