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 i am so happy that God has allowed me to walk this path, even though it may not be exactly what He wanted, and this is the reason... when we have it all together, when we obey all the rules, we aren't needing God in such a desperate way. when we are "perfect" we tend to view those who aren't rule followers as sinners and not worthy of God’s love. i fell victim to this. i am sad at the judgment i bestowed upon others in my past. i love that God loves me enough to allow me to walk in their shoes so i can see the rest of the world as He sees them, and show them the love and acceptance that i so desperately crave right now. society tells me to go hide my face from God in shame, but HE tells me to look up so he can wipe my tears and let me see the love He has for me. being a mom, i can understand that. life has natural consequences, but as a mom, my job is to hold them and love them anyways, especially when they mess up. that's when we need to be held the most. i kinda think God likes it when we need Him as twisted as that may sound. i hate it when my kids are sick, but damn it if that's not when i get to cuddle with them the most.

Jesus understood the broken, because he walked in their shoes. He was hungry, dusty and thirsty. He was scared, deceived and despised. i have been all of these things. the other thing we have in common: God loves us both the same. i will never be able to redeem the whole world like He did, but i will die trying to save those that God gives me to love. in this case, this baby might just grow up to change the word! and as for me and mine "we will never be ashamed".

my favorite verse, once again, "we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope. and hope does not disappoint us because of the love that God poured into our hearts through the Holy spirit". Romans 5: 3-5. i will never let go of the hope of a life spent with Christ. i am just fine suffering and being held by God, because if that's where i am at, and people want to see me, they will see Him too!