Monday, March 2, 2009

the belly of the whale...

is LONELY!!! part of me wants to quit going to church. (not really) but it seems like whatever Nate says, happens. am i the only stubborn one who is fighting God's plan?!?! it sure as heck feels like it. it would help if i could at least curl up in the darkness and go to sleep, but no, nope, no way in the world is that gonna happen in this lifetime. i hate being alone, stressed out, overly committed... cancer sucks, chores suck, dieting, smiling to put people at ease.... sucks! for this week at least, i'm putting my head down and barreling through whatever needs to be done for my household and work. that's it. don't be offended if i tell you no, it's for my own well being, and for the kids and poor dog that i was a little too rough to when i got home today. sorry roxy. there is that term "kicking the dog". well, she didn't get kicked, just dropped flat on her back. oops. i picked her up and kissed her and fought back the tears. time to move on to something else. let's see what's next tonight.. cookies for boy scouts, drop said boy scout with cookies to his meeting, go to target to get a gift for a bday party tonight, oh yeah, birthday party @ 7:30 which i will be late to, then pick out kids clothes for picture day tomorrow which i just found out about tonight. AWESOME! get to work from 7 am to 7 pm tomorrow night. it'll all be worth it huh? all of this and i SHOULD be home taking care of my sick husband. no matter what, i loose.

i'm done ranting. have a good one!

2 comments:

Annie said...

Rant away, sweetie! That's one thing blogs are good for. And we're all here to "listen" and pray.

mary said...

It is okay to feel this way, some of us feel this way and are not dealing with cancer. Trust, that when you are done hiding your friends will be here on their knees with understanding arms! Saying prayers for you.

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