Sunday, February 1, 2009

i thought laughter was the best medicine

not for me. maybe i'll get to the laughter portion today, but last night was the crying part. crying's not even the word. weeping would be better. unfortunately, it was in front of almost EVERYONE i know. minus only 2 people. i held in the tears when i was holding a beautiful 9 month old baby, wondering if my days of having another one of my own was over. held in the tears as i apologized to a sweet friend for judging her wrongly before i knew her personality. didn't cry when i was sitting there in almost the worst physical pain yet, but lost it when i looked over and saw randy asleep, covered up under a quilt looking like an honest to goodness cancer patient.

and i get to see these people again today with swollen eyes. nice.

i think all of these months of holding back my emotions, not dealing with it, caught up to me. i know it was good. i know i needed to finally deal with life, but can anyone tell me WHY it had to be in a room full of people?!?!? i'm so afraid to go to the Superbowl party today, simply because our Dr. was there last night, and will be there today, and he's probably going to have the strait jacket and people dressed in white coats waiting for me...

4 comments:

Annie said...

Oh, Kristyn...I'm praying for you. Any doctor,any friend, would never judge you for having the emotions that God gave you. You have a very heavy load right now, and crying is exactly what most people would do from time to time.

Stephanie said...

I don't know you personally, but I hear that you indeed are crazy busy. You are dealing with a lot and if you want to cry, cry. It is ok! I am sorry to hear that you cried in a room full of people, but I know that I would want someone to be there when I cry, crying alone is worse that crying in someones arms. I'll you in my prayers.

karen said...

Hi, Kristyn~I came upon your blog when I was looking at Melissa Hendriks' blog. Are you friends of theirs? I've known Brandon's family since 1995. My, you are dealing with way too much with Randy's illness and now your physical problems. I know you could not handle any of this without your faith in Christ. May he sustain & comfort you in your darkest moments. With prayers for the Miller family, Karen in Grants Pass, OR

Mary said...

YOu are amazingly strong and amazingly unselfish, to hold in the tear for this long is some kind of control! You need not be ashamed of the tears, God is there to carry us when we need His strength. Rely on Him and trust that anyone that is a true friend will not hesitate to hand you a Kleenex without judgement!

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