poor randy

he looks ... uncomfortable. it seems like every round he goes through, it takes more and more out of him. please keep praying that he gets stronger instead of weaker. i know that God is still with us right now, He always is. this just seems too much at times. we are at the point right now of resting when we can, so if you come over to visit, PLEASE don't look at the house. it is scattered with christmas toys, boxes and clothes that we are going through to give away.

tales from the hospital

well, that was dramatic. 

randy says hi to everyone, and merry christmas. he's doing great today. yesterday was tuff on him. he helped Conor assemble a star wars lego ship... thing, and ended up with a migraine. it ruined the rest of his day. bummer...  this is one christmas that we won't forget. me and the kids had an eventful day. it started off real well. we got to join in with the Cables to go hand out gifts at the Manor. then we came up to the hospital to visit, went to grammy and papa's then dinner with Tommy's family, checked in with Randy, who was out cold, picked up my nephew for the night, then went to bed...

it was such a whirlwind. we are super excited about New Years Eve. That is the one holiday that we get to enjoy. There is no drama or stress and we get to eat crab. YUMMY! i need to save a special glass of wine for the evening. ahhhh. so much to look forward to.

he should get to come home tonight if all goes well. he just has one more round of chemo this evening, then they have orders to release him. it's good to have amazing dr's and nurses. they are making things a lot easier on us.  have a great weekend. we plan on it!

Christmas Eve

we are sitting in a quiet, dark hospital room trying enjoy the day as best we can. i am enjoying this relaxing time actually. this morning was a rough start for me. my nerves are shot. i thought i could trick myself into thinking our early Christmas was going to make up for him being in the hospital, but as the time passes and i go home alone every night, it really starts to bug me. at least we are able to be with each other, unlike so many families who are separated or are in the military, so i guess i can't complain too much. i am touched by the people who support us and love on us. i think i always tend to get sentimental around Christmas anyways. sorry if i have some across as being grouchy. i don't mean it. i am truly being as positive as possible. 

randy is doing well still. he will get to come home on friday night or saturday. not sure yet. i am excited because i think that when he gets home, he will still be up to hanging out for new years. i'll take that holiday with him for sure.  

well, merry christmas guys. hope that you have a blessed day with your friends and family.  hope to see you guys soon. lots of love from the miller's.

Round 2

It's already been 3 weeks. Can you believe it? man. So after the first round, he lost his hair, got a little beat up, but is now ready to battle again. This set is different, so we shall see how he reacts, but so far so good. He seems content and more rested. This picture is from yesterday morning, BEFORE Meghan brought up a beanie she had made for him. He SOOO loves to keep his head warm.

Wow, it's been awhile... sorry.

...not that you are all on the edge of your seats waiting, but i know there are some who may want an update on Randy. Here's the deal with him: HE'S BEEN DOING GREAT! you can chalk it up to "no news is good news". He's had his good week, and that's why I haven't been online, because we've been busy trying to get everything done before Monday.

He starts his 2nd cycle Monday, for the week. He will be admitted this time as well for 4-5 days, because i guess it's rough on his kidney's and they want to make sure he stays hydrated. We don't need another problem on our hands, like trying to find a kidney donor. All though at this point, I'm convinced that if he did need one, God would make one appear out of thin air...

Anyways, in this last week, we celebrated Gillian's birthday, hung out with Conor for his Christmas party, and went to a pack meeting with his boy scout troop, went Christmas shopping, TOGETHER, for the 1st time in 3 years, and my work moved to a new location. (Scarbrough Office Design on Crossroads drive. COME CHECK IT OUT! I hear they have really cool office furniture). But like i said, we've been busy. Now I'm off to wrap presents, bake cookies and make whatever casserole is needed for Christmas with his family tonight.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!

Happy Birthday Gillian!

i can't believe she's already 8. so much has happened with her these last few years. she's one of those kids who has the mind of a 20 year old. she is just being held back by her age. from the beginning of her little life she's been waiting to take on the world. she even came a month early. talk about IMPATIENCE! she tells me now, it's because she didn't want to miss out on that year's Christmas presents... i just think she's a restless soul. she has a heart for God, her family and is bold enough to talk to strangers about her faith. LOVE IT! the boys better look out though. she has been raised with all boys around her, and knows how to throw a punch. don't think about trying to trick her or tell her a lie, she's sharp. we are very thankful for this little girl.

The day has come!

Before:

During:

Gillian got to help

After:

best christmas EVER!!!!!

what in the world? this is by far the most precious year we have ever spent with family and friends, and the most blessed day isn't even here yet. i really wish i had the words for how i felt. joy, peace, love, excitement just doesn't cover it. if you can grasp the true meaning that God has given for the word "love", then MAYBE you'll understand how we feel.

Our very own Christmas elves...

Do I still believe in elves? I guess angles would be a better word. This is the first time in 4 years that we've had lights up. Thank you guys!!! They look great! Seeing these pics make me want to cry. This is up and beyond prepareing for a Sunday sermon... this is LOVE!

Today is a good day

He woke up feeling awfully spry. He even made the coffee this morning and did some dishes. He's having a lot more awake hours during the day. I think this gives him hope that he can make it through this next coming months. If it was all bad all the time, i would worry about depression.

We get to have our family portraits this afternoon. Good timing considering the hair falling out day is quickly approaching. I am super excited to see how this goes. I've seen all of your pics rolling through and I can't believe it's our turn. We had a great weekend of friends and good food. It sure beats the heck out of hospital food.

Looking forward to better days ahead!!!

goodbye pretty smelly stuff

He FINALLY understands what it feels like when you're pregnant and all smells make you sick. i'm sad that it's come to this for him, but he even admitted today that he didn't really believe me about the smell issue when i was pregnant and had to move out of our condo because we couldn't get rid of the fish and garlic smell that lingered after our last fishing trip. granted, they shouldn't have cooked it in the house when i was going through severe morning sickness, but that water under the bridge.
all of my bath wash, body spray, candles, wallflowers and fabric softeners have to go. tear tear, sniff sniff...
i am going completely unscented after he told me the smell of me, that he used to love, now makes him sick. i parked my pride and reassured him i knew how he felt. he was afraid to tell me because he thought i would be offended. the dr's already warned me that it would happen, so i just encourage you to not layer on perfume thickly if you plan on hanging out here. between that and the hand washing, i hope you don't think that we are freaks. i just want to make sure that he has to throw up as little as possible. thank the LORD that coffee doesn't make him sick... yet!

Day 4. End of the 1st cycle

he got to come home today. he ended the last of this round of chemo around midnight last night, and was gleefully awaiting my arrival this morning. unfortunately we still had to wait for the dr. to release him, but they made it as quick as they could. i love the nursing staff up at mercy. they are beyond sweet and helpful. they taught me how to do most of his home care, and set us up with a home care nurse starting tomorrow. the main focus is the grochong cath in his heart. here's a pic:

it has to stay in for the duration of chemo. just shy of 27 weeks to go...and yes, it is sutured in there and will eventually fuse to his skin, just to be cut out in the end. eeeewwwww....man. not looking forward to that! if you look close you can see the "vein" looking thing up by his collarbone. it goes into his skin, up to his collarbone, then turns and goes strait down into his heart.

all in all, it was a pretty good day. he ate a couple bites of real food, and kept it down. he just doesn't have an appetite. hopefully that will pick up soon. any ideas?

we are happy to have our good friend Rich K. here. it's nice to see all of his friends rallying around. just don't forget, if you visit and are sick, i will kick you in the gut. regardless, use the hand sanitizer. it's by the front door. and don't be offended if i remind you. we can't have him getting sick or else it means another hospital stay. you know those new, first time moms and how freaked out they get when you sneeze, then ask to hold their newborn baby? well, that's me. don't believe me? ask anyone who's walked within a 10 foot radius of him this last week! :)

Day 3

MUCH BETTER DAY!
As i was walking in his door this morning, he was texting me. that's a great sign. i think i dropped my backpack, and ran to him, then remembered that i had to wash my hands, THEN i ran back to him and he smiled real big. He got upset because he thought i hadn't told him goodnight last night. i laughed, and tried to explain how the night ended from my perspective. He was very deliberate tonight with his goodbye.

most of the day he was up and happy. still not really eating. he did attempt broth and crackers. he says he's just not feeling the need to eat, that it doesn't feel like the most important thing to do, so why worry over it... ok? the dr. said it's fine to go a few days, but they are giving him something to boost his appetite. He also has to take a steroid for some reason, and the pharmacist told me tonight that it causes irritability. (explains the mood swings today).

I have to give kuddos to the Target pharmacist. they are SOOOO on it. he said that his family has gone through cancer a lot and assumed that's what was going on with randy, because of the drugs i had to purchase for him, so he took extra steps to make sure it was all ready before i got there. even one that wasn't faxed in. he just already "knew" he would need it. GOOD JOB TARGET!!!

he gets to come home tomorrow. he's all ready to bust out of there @ midnight, but it just would be too hard to have someone set with the kids so late, but he said he plans on taking the bus. knowing him and how sweet the nurses are, i fully expect to see him in the middle of the night.

day 2

when i got to the hospital this morning, he was great. sitting up, talking, eating... then that all changed quickly around 10:30, shortly after i went to work.
the dr. said once you start to feel nauseated, it's a slippery slope. they have been chasing it the rest of the day. so far they have him on a continuous zophran drip, plus the patch behind the ear, plus adovan, benadryl and something else, all for nausea. STILL sick. poor guy. after talking to the dr. today, she said that there is a delayed reaction and it will last up to 7 days after he stops treatment.
Randy said the thing that he hates the most is the shot in his tummy every 8 hours for... his... red blood cells... i think. my head is spinning. it was SOOO hard to kiss him on the head and go home alone. i waited until i got to my truck to cry, because the poor nurses are already having a hard time with this whole situation. THIS SUCKS YOU GUYS!!!

so more drama... dah dah dah.

as we are being admitted this morning, the receptionist tells us that it's stage 4. we haven't heard that until today, but i doesn't change things much at this point anyways, so what are ya gonna do? so then he gets admitted into a double room, bummer, but that gets changed pretty quickly. he goes into a little surgery to have a "grochong" port put into his heart so that they can administer the chemo long term, blah blah blah, and THEN tells him he shouldn't have eaten today, thanks for that great info a few hours too late. his two options, wait until tomorrow, or not use a sedative or pain meds. two guesses as to what randy said...

so he now has a two tubes sticking out of his chest for the next 7 months, is in his new private room, ready to start chemo, and the nurse says, there's a hold on his chemo. MEDI-CAL WAS FIGHTING IT!!! wow. they wanted to make sure that it was necessary. seriously. amazing. the dr. was livid and fought to push it through, and then the ball got started rolling again.

he got to eat, so did i, (thanks chris). they gave him something to take away the nausea before they gave him the chemo, and it took the edge off his nerves. next time i want a pull off that I.V. the kids got to visit. did some homework. then we left before they gave him anything... all day, and they still hadn't started. this just means he will be in the hospital until thursday. here's some pics as promised: the second pic is of him trying to escape :)

Thermopylae

This is the day Randy's 300 march off to battle.
If I have ever know a warrior as strong and unbeatable as Leonidas, it's my husband!
The difference is, this battle is already won. He will return home to his family triumphant, albeit a little battle worn, but he will return none the less.
He has his soldiers seen and unseen, by his side.
The battle cry has been sounded, and we are ready to fight!

We begin our own 3 day battle today. Our Thermopylae is Mercy hospital. I will keep you posted each night. Thanks again for all of your prayers! Love all of you!