a little more info, but not much...

we found out today, that by God's Divine planning, Randy was able to keep his arm. i guess in other situations, or operating rooms, the dr. would've had to come out and ask for permission to remove the limb and shoulder since they would have to remove about 2 inches of good tissue around the tumor to prevent regrowth. the anesthesiologist commented to the dr. that he was shocked they had done this surgery as an outpatient procedure. that is proof that they didn't know what they were getting into before the surgery, but also proof that God is in control of all situations. we saved a heck of a lot of money in the meantime...

this emotional roller coaster is trying to tear us apart, but by God's grace combo'd up with all the super hugs and prayers, we make it through each day. i think fatigue is starting to set in. we were however able to find the perfect costumes for the kids tonight, and are able to keep some normalcy for them. one victory for the Miller's!!

we should know more next wednesday, staples are being removed on tuesday, and the dr's are leaning to it being "chondro sarcoma". that changes almost everyday though, so don't bank on it being the same in the end. it is however a bone cancer, they know that for sure, although it is not in his bones. bizzare. good news, no bone marrow surgeries!!!

goodnight.

o.k. here's some more pics...

no news is good news?

randy seems to think so. me, personally... i think it sucks. sorry.
i guess whatever this particular cancer is, or should i say "tumor", since they are now hopeful that there's still a slight chance that it's benign, ( i REALLY hope so), but am tired of having the rug pulled out from under me, so i will stay neutral, is too rare to understand, so they sent it to harvard to decipher. that was a long sentence. anyways, we have to wait a few more days. if it means it comes back as not being cancer, i will wait the rest of my lifetime. this waiting game is killing me. i still feel so blessed to have everyone rallying around us.

as i said a few days ago, the raw nerves would enter in, and they have. i feel like i can cry at the drop of a hat. i think a lot of it is sleep deprivation. there's so much going on other than this and it's getting hard to keep up. plus... i feel like a wienie. on sunday, we took his dressings off, i have pictures i will post as soon as i find my camera again. but it really shocked me how big and gnarly they were, and i felt a little sick. i think my helper was a little shocked too. so we put new bandages on, and i thought it was just shock that made me feel that way. NOPE. last night i had to keep leaving the room so i wouldn't throw up. it must be because i love him so much that it REALLY bothers me. i usually have a strong stomach for these things. oh well, maybe i'm slipping in my old age...

Brotherly love...

this is the best medicine: a room decorated with love notes from your daughter, a great friend to watch a movie with, and a little punkin to snuggle with. AWSOME!

protective fog

that is the gift God has given to me today.
the abilty to not feel too much.

randy's gift: Norco...

i feel an overwhelming presence of peace right now.
i know that the time will come where our nerves are raw, but thankfully some sleep came last night, and that helped a lot. we feel very loved and taken care of. thanks to all of you.

randy is resting and if i can keep him from moving his arm, he doesn't hurt too bad. he's very aware, and has been, from the begining time in recovery, of what's going on. they told us that he wouldn't remember too much until today, but of course they were wrong. they obvioulsy don't know him. he actually prayed for ME last night. that started the tears again, but then the drugs kicked in and he went off to lala land, so he didn't have to watch me cry.
thanks again for your prayers.

We can't wait to take off the bandages. i think he's excited about the scars. he thinks it'll make him look tough. i tell him it's his guns that do that, but, hey, i can't begrudge him a couple battle wounds. he won't let me near him with vitamin E...

how do i start this blog?

cancer. there. i said it.
what the heck?
my husband has cancer...
that's about all i've got folks.
thanks to our friends and family who have been with us today.
i will keep you posted when we know more.

Here's to someone i'm VERY proud of...

this is a man who deserves a blog dedicated to only him today because:
he is a man who gives to others, with no concern for himself.
he is a man who lives his life for his family, and CHOOSES them over all else.
he is a man who is willing to do the hard thing, even when it costs him lots.
he is willing to speak the truth, when his enemies surround him.
he is dedicated to God, his friends, his job...
i consider this man a very dear friend and am very happy to walk through life with him and his family. plus it's his birthday, so

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MR. CABLE!!!

Seriously?

how is it that something can wake you up in the middle of the night, hours before you have to get up, and you just can't go back to sleep? i'm talking about those nights where you are so exhausted that you go to bed before 10, and crash. there's no WAY anything can keep you from sleep, even if there was a hurricane or tornado or a barking dog. Nothing should be able to wake you before you absolutely have to get up. for some reason, those are the kinds of nights where the inevitable happens and you look over and it's 3 am. maybe 3:25, but usually for me, i don't get those extra 25 minutes. so then your mind starts going over the previous days happenings, then it rolls into what you have to do later today, during the hours that you are SUPPOSED to be up. then the trying to make yourself go back to sleep begins, right? you tell yourself, 'i have to get up in 2 hours and i NEED to sleep some more.' i am convinced at this point, this is our downfall. once you start down the road of "counting sheep" you're screwed. so you watch the clock. it's 4:15. 4:22. 5:00... o.k. i have to get up in a half hour... 5:15. all right, i'll just get up and make coffee...zzzzzzz. THEN THE ALARM GOES OFF AND SCARES THE CRAP OUT OF YOU!!!!!!!!!!
why?

What a Monday!

i don't think i really had a weekend. if i did, i didn't get much done. that's what monday's are for right? i am actually excited to go to work tomorrow, because i know there is work there waiting for me. that's a good thing. there's orders to process, phone calls to make, stuff to organize. i have a purpose. but the benefit is that i can leave it there, unlike stuff at home.

i finally decided to sit down, go through bills, get my household organized. i realized that if we are to get on the right track financially, we had to start out by figuring what we owe. that's when a beer entered in, but only one, and i consider it dinner. i'm sure that Nate will deal with me soon enough since i seem to be the biggest elephant in the room when it comes to drinking, but until then, i will enjoy my pumpkin ale. it's VERY good BTW. yummy.

i realized that our finances are so out of control, that years of "greed" and lack of health insurance, left us in a position that we can't even pay for Randy to have the surgury he needs, because we have no savings, and A LOT of medical debt already. so i wrote it all down, wrapped a rubber band around it, and stuck it in my bible to remind me to pray over it. this should be a very humbling experience. but at least we have a start. sigh.

i hate it when Nate makes sense. it makes me act. stop it would ya?

It's October

I'M COLD!!!!!

well... we got ANOTHER dog

but she kicks butt. this is providence. here's the LONG story:

moday: got a call from my mom saying that there's a lady that had a dog. she lost her job and had to move out in three days. she has a dog, that she can't take with her, and asked if they knew anyone who wanted her.

monday evening: me and my mom went to pick her up, yet she had "run away". (didn't know she was picked up by haven humane)

wednesday afternoon: i call Haven Humane to see if she had been accosted. yes she had. i was informed of my rights. i decided to go purchase her that afternoon, but was told she would be $85 because i wasn't the "owner". the "owner" had 4 days to claim her. (she was picked up monday, you do the math. Monday plus 4 means the "owner" has until thursday at closing to claim her).

Thursday morning: i call H.H. they inform me she was "adopted". Really? how is this possible? she is still in the "4 day's" the "owner" has to claim her. i start crying and call my mom. all i have to say is my mom kicks some major bootie. she found the "owner's" and took them down to claim her. they told them she was adopted even though they we're allowed to adopt her out til the next day. she shows them a picture of her. they tell her to "go find her in the kennel". guess what? she's not there. BECAUSE THEY HID HER, BECAUSE SOMEONE "IN HOUSE" WANTED TO KEEP HER!!! that didn't fly with my mom. Oh NO!! she politely told them a few things, and now i have my puppy. WOOHOO!!!

the rest of the story:

my SWEET husband didn't want her, because:

1. she was a puppy and would poop and or pee all over the house. NOPE! completely potty trained.

2. she would bark all the time. NOPE! not one peep out of her even though there has been at least 10 knocks at our door this afternoon alone.

3. she was only $45. (just the cost of liscense) Take that H.H.!!!! hahahahhaha

in all honesty, this is the coolest dog in the whole world. she is a maltese/ chihuahua mix. all white and fluffy, with a brown nose and brown eyes like a chihuahua. ADORABLE and sweet. she follows me EVERYWHERE and cuddles with randy, to his own annoyance. HAHAHAHA!!! i was right. neener neener neener. yes i feel like a 6 year old right now. here's some pics: