Wednesday, November 17, 2010

our new norm...

to be honest, it has been nice to get back to some sort of normalcy. the kids are back in school. i started work on Monday. my mind can rest knowing Randy is out of pain. our hearts are still breaking. little things sneak up on us that take us back to reality, but all and all, we are surviving after our world has been turned upside down.

i can not explain to anyone that hasn't been here for the ending, how in the world we are doing this. day by day, hour by hour? yeah, but it's more than that. now that his body has released his spirit inside, it's almost like he's all around us, all the time. i guarantee that he was partying with us last saturday. i know he rocked out to the songs, enjoyed seeing pictures of him with his friends and family, maybe even realized how handsome he really was... i hope he is able to see things through the eyes of God now.

me and the kidletts have embarked on a new life, learning how to cope with the hole in our chests. we miss him terribly and half expect him to come walking around the corner any moment. only through God can we make it through, but we are holding on the the promise that He WILL get us through. He always has. i just have to either keep having people over for dinner so i still get to cook good food and have a real reason to go to the grocery store, OR learn to like the stuff the kids choose to eat. cooking for one is no fun.

i plan on uploading the slideshow from his party sometime this weekend when i figure out how to do it. it's about 45 minutes long, but i know some of you have asked to see it, so i will try.


Annie said...

You are loved. Did you get a chance to read the story in my card? :-)
I wish I had known Randy better - of course I know you and your sister more. But I really felt that I got to know lots more about him by watching the slideshow. It was fabulous. Both kids enjoyed it, too. I thought they were mainly running around, but they did watch quite a bit of it.

Carrie Schmeck said...

I read something recently that said that "grieving is not linear." In other words, it is all over the place. One minute your are coping and the next you are a puddle because of a smell, a word, a song, whatever.

You have many friends praying you through this and I pray that we have the grace to allow you to grieve when and where you need...and for as long as it takes.