anyways, it's 8:45 pm. just started laundry for tomorrow. it's gonna be awhile before i can go to bed. i am contemplating a glass of wine and plan on reflecting on today, and figure out how not to relive it again. i've gone 2 weeks without even so much as a tear, and then today, i see at least 5 people in town and lost it each time. IT'S AWESOME FALLING APART IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! :(
i ended on a good note by having a good talk with one of randy's best friends. he shed some light on some things and it should carry me over for a couple more weeks, (minus tomorrow. i already gave myself permission to cry tomorrow) it's great to know that comfort can come from the unlikely-est of places.
that said, i see myself going into a "do-it-by-myself" mode. that's way more comfortable for me, and a lot less taxing on my friends. it would suck to use up all of my favors right now... i like my little bubble. i like feeling safe, and i don't feel safe when i open myself up to other people, (family excluded) i am fully capable of doing more than i give myself credit for, and plan on making that my goal.