Tuesday, February 2, 2010

i'm up, then down, then up, then down...

what a roller coaster of a day. poor Randy is doing what he does best. making me laugh so i don't kill someone. He's the only person i know who can make a joke about me PMS-ing and get away unscathed. i think for him validating that fact, combo'd with me not eating until it was too late, (which either one by itself is bad news for the people in arms reach), turned my day around. Not to mention that i am stressed out of my mind. Tomorrow is gonna suck. we already know that. we feel like we are walking into, well, hell. i'm trying to make an appointment for a root canal for tomorrow at the same time so we can't go, but no one's buying it. i think someone tipped off the all the dentists in town...
anyways, it's 8:45 pm. just started laundry for tomorrow. it's gonna be awhile before i can go to bed. i am contemplating a glass of wine and plan on reflecting on today, and figure out how not to relive it again. i've gone 2 weeks without even so much as a tear, and then today, i see at least 5 people in town and lost it each time. IT'S AWESOME FALLING APART IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! :(
i ended on a good note by having a good talk with one of randy's best friends. he shed some light on some things and it should carry me over for a couple more weeks, (minus tomorrow. i already gave myself permission to cry tomorrow) it's great to know that comfort can come from the unlikely-est of places.
that said, i see myself going into a "do-it-by-myself" mode. that's way more comfortable for me, and a lot less taxing on my friends. it would suck to use up all of my favors right now... i like my little bubble. i like feeling safe, and i don't feel safe when i open myself up to other people, (family excluded) i am fully capable of doing more than i give myself credit for, and plan on making that my goal.

6 comments:

Karen said...

Kristen, I am so sorry. I feel bad I made you cry...I just never know what to say. My heart wants to make it all better but I can't. I will keep you in my prayers as always. Have a safe trip. I love your positive attitude. You are a wonderful woman. Karen

kristyn miller said...

OH NO! Karen. it's not your fault. if i'm ready to cry, it only takes someone smiling at me... i LOVED seeing you. Please tell Adam i'm so sorry i didn't stay.
we'll let everyone know what the dr's say today. just be prepared to hear the same thing...

Vicki Aday said...

Don't ever feel bad for "losing it in front of people." I would be worried if you weren't crying. You have so much on your plate right now and you need a release; everyone totally understands that. I would probably be in a fetal position, sucking my thumb if I was you. So don't ever feel bad for having emotions. Praying for you guys today.

Pearcia LaPointe said...

We love you! Half prayed we run into you today and half prayed you'd have your space to cry and have it not be in front of people you knew. :) Praying for health regardless.
God's not only there to draw strength from, but to comfort as well... and not only through tears. Feel free to scream and yell and stomp your feet. :) He's there for you then too - as are all of us.

Annie said...

Never, ever, ever, feel bad for crying in public. I do it all the time, and if more people did it, I wouldn't feel so self-conscious! :) Holding you, Randy and the kids in prayer, always.

cgrace said...

Kristyn,

Now you listen up! :-) You have people that want to keep walking this road with you so let 'em! Second, you cry when you darn well please. I am so happy we are getting to know you guys. Please let Andrea and I know if we can do anything for you.

Your friend in the fight,
Clyde

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