what a beautiful morning

i decided to go outside to have my cup of coffee this morning. it looks so cool outside today. it took at least 10 minutes before i got too cold to go in. my big dogs wanted to play ball so bad, but i like to wake up slow, so i threw the ball into the pool to buy me some time. it works great. they were too cold to jump right in like they usally do, so they stood on the side of the pool WILLING it to come to them. i kept watching them, and they didn't move, so i grabbed my camara to share. they are still there...working on their jedi mind trick.

then i looked at more poor jalepeno plant that is now dead, because randy turned off the sprinkler system off before he went on tour. i didn't know that. so anyways, i looked and out of this dead plant is a jalepeno growing all on it's lonesome. i can't believe it. i'm so proud of it.

how time flies...

i decided today, to go on the hunt for something that my sister and i had growing up. it was this amazing beef jerky made with red pepper flakes on them. We would ride our bikes down to a store by our house and grab a stick of it for .99 and a dr. pepper. if we were lucky, we'd get some m&m's too, but we didn't usually have enough change. it was the PERFECT beef jerky. haven't had it in a long time. i was thinking earlier today that it had only been 10 years since i lived there, until i was was reminded ever so gently, that i'm not 22, but almost 32... guess that's what friends are for.
so anyways, i drive by our old house that we grew up in. it has changed so much. i was really sentimental, since that is the house we lived in when my dad got cancer. there are still things there that he built and somethings that are gone, but a lot of memories flooded back and i drove on. i pull up to the store where we'd pass every day going on a family walk, where Randy taught me how to drive, and we're my sis and i would go every summer for our treat. IT'S NO LONGER A STORE! i felt so sad.

it's just beef jerky, but for me it was a connection to my past and i was really craving holding on to a little bit of it for a day. so i took a deep breath and got back into the truck. my next mission, buy randy a meal from a restaurant that i guess doesn't carry what they show on commercials. i won't mention the name of the place, but for the second time today, i was defeated.

i guess when you grow up, you have to let go of the past, as trivial as it may be and find new things to fall in love with. there are times that i would like to go back to that old house we grew up in, see my friends that grew up there with me and have now passed away, go back before my dad had cancer and sit on my bed and eat beef jerky and dr. pepper with my sister, but then i wouldn't have my life that i do now, and share the things i do with my family and good friends. i am now looking forward to finding out what it is that my kids will look back on with fond memories (and buy up a lot of stock in it so i can give it to them when they get older).

whether it is a glass of wine with your loved one, an ice cream cone with your kids, or just a cup of coffee with your mom, enjoy every moment that you have with them, because time does move on and we can't hold on to it forever outside of our hearts.

it's been awhile, sorry

hey guys. finally a day off. no running kids to school, no hospital visits, or houses to clean. Randy's home playing games with the kids, watching it rain, and he couldn't be happier. Last week he finished his last week-long bout in the hospital. He still has 2 more, 1 day treatments. One right before Thanksgiving and his last one right after our vacation. It's has been such a long year, but leaving the hospital at 11pm on saturday night, all of his nurses surrounded us (including Roxy) and hugged and said their goodbyes. They all know he won't be back to visit. Most people rarely do when their done. It's just not a good reminder of time spent somewhere. All of his nurses were incredible! They made things as comfortable for all of us as they could, and even spoiled the kids with ice cream when i wasn't looking. I just laughed when they thought i would be mad...

Life has some new turns to make. It seems like we have been going in circles for the last few years, but God has used this cancer thing as a way of creating change in Randy. He is finally going to persue a music career full time, and learn how to be a "better drummer". I think he's the greatest already, but practice never hurt anyone. The kids are copeing as best as they can and growing up rather quickly. Gillian's moving into her own room this weekend. Conor is devistated but it will be something that will help him grow into the great young man he's becoming. Not too many changes for me right now, but i'm ok with that. Someone has to keep the roof on the house.

I'm going to sit back today and just soak in the calmness, the rain and homecooking. Maybe even read a book. God bless the Veterens and their families, and thank you for your love.