Friday, October 8, 2010

my fuzzy warm blanket

waking up this morning was a roller coaster in the matter of moments. first off, this was the first morning i woke up a little chilly. i don't like being snuggled in bed, then having to get up before the alarm to turn off the fan or turn on the heater. back in the day, it was already taken care of by Randy, who got up at 5 and had the coffee made, dogs fed, heater on...
so this morning, i woke up from a nice dream about being up in a cabin somewhere watching it snow. i remember feeling cold, which is in turn what woke me up. in the moment i pulled my blankets up around me and let my mind revert to the old way of life, i did a mental checklist:
1. why did randy not turn the heater on?
2. is he off today? it must be the weekend and he's sleeping in...
3. is he on tour? no he's right next to me... face covered up with the sheet. a sign that HE'S cold too.
4. why didn't he turn the heater on???
5. oh yeah. crap.

after turning the fan OFF, i hopped back in bed, pulled an extra blanket around me, laid there dazed, forcing myself not to think about how things used to be. i have to focus on the task at hand, and that is making him as comfortable as possible. (still haven't figured out how to do that). i guess i dozed off again, because the alarm went off, and my first reaction was to nudge him and have him get up with the kids. you know, the old game of, "it's your turn to get up with the kids"? yeah. fun game. i guess he won this one :) (bad joke, sorry)

so i got up, made coffee, woke up my babies after staring at them for awhile, not wanting to wake them from a nice dream to face reality, sat down to my blog, and found that my warm fuzzy blanket is my friends and family who love me. in this really hard time, on mornings that i wake up feeling chilled to the bone, i find warmth in the memories of my past, the time still spent with Randy, and the future that will always and forever be tied to the souls, that have filled my heart from the beginning.

3 comments:

Carrie Schmeck said...

Kristyn, I know you don't hear from me much but please know you are continually in my prayers. I am holding up your arms from afar, my friend.

Amy @ Increasingly Domestic said...

I never know what to say to you, so most of the time I just don't say anything. I want to tell you how much I admire you for your honesty in this unimaginable situtation that is your life right now. I pray for you guys often and always cry when I do. You and Randy are greatly loved.

debbie said...

Hello Kristyn, This is Debbie from U-Turn Youth group in Illinois. We had an amazing service last night and had someone stand in for Randy. We prayed for you and your two beautiful children as well. We are not giving up hope. Just know that we have not forgot to keep you in our prayers.

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