starting a new job is bad enough. it just so happened that Randy will be working as well today, leaving me juggling the kids instead of having peace knowing they are home safe with him. it's so hard having everything in my life change overnight. all i can do is put one foot in front of the other and go for it. i can pick up the pieces in a couple of days. i feel so unprepared. not wanting the kids to cook while i'm gone limits what they can eat, and we have limited options at the moment. i am going to go to the store i think, right now and at least get stuff for sandwiches. maybe that will take away some of the dizziness i feel, knowing they at least can eat... ugh! why can't life just be easy for a little while??? i find myself begging God for peace. what happened to my general sense of knowing everything is in His hands and will be fine? why do i always have to be going 90 miles an hour? why can't i learn to say no to things? i just want to go sleep. i want peaceful sleep. i want to have arms around me telling me everything will be just fine and not to worry. how did i end up growing up and being the one in charge??? i don't want that role. i want to go back a few years when everything was right and normal and safe. i want my babies to be babies, cuddled in my arms, safe and happy.
ok. enough grieving. time to move on, put on my game face and go push life around a little bit.