i'm tired...

of pain...of the word MEDI-CAL...of money...people...laundry...cancer...weight gain...ups and downs...
it's time for a change, and not the kind that our president is talking about. i mean REAL honest to goodness, work hard for, time for discipline... change.

starting today, i am focusing on others needs other than my own, trying to be more understanding and less negative, overlooking pain since mind over matter works better than any pain medication or shot of whiskey can do. i'm making sure every penny is spent on what God wants it to be spent on. I'm going to exercise and eat less, do a load of laundry each day... lots of changes.

i guess i am just 1 month behind a new years resolution, but at least i'm getting there.

and so it continues

more medical stuff to deal with. this time it's me. yeah...
so i guess my endometriosis came back and you can now add the possibility of gallstones on top of it. AWSOME! i have sonograms later this week to determine what's going on. i REALLY hope it's nothing, because i personally don't want the scars that come from gallbladder removal. it's all based on vanity. then again, i don't want it to burst, so i guess i will have to do what the dr. says. sheesh! nite guys.

problem solved

i guess the water pump went out which caused some hub with bearings to shake that caused something to do something and something else and then the belt broke... BUT! my brother is a mechanic who knew just what to do, and with randy's help, it is now fixed. so is my cell phone, and i had a REALLY good work day. time to relax and spend time with family. i'm thinking beer and pizza.

Why not?!?!

Picture this... it's been a really long week. I'm tired. Randy's sick. Gillian got suspended. Conor's doing... well. boss is out of town, hence me being tired because I'm doing 2 jobs. cell phone breaks... truck breaks. I'm all alone @ 930 pm with no cell phone, no power steering, truck's overheating, loosing ability to handle truck on the freeway, and I still have to get it home because I'm not walking down the freeway in heals with no jacket, no cash and no phone on a Friday night. so now what do I do? I get it home, how? i don't know. (i probably blew the engine by driving it when i know i should have pulled over) i pull into the driveway, run into the house yelling for my sick husband to come help. he runs out there, shakes his head at the steam coming out of the front, and lifts the hood. he comes back in the house and goes to bed. I look, and the serpentine belt is just hanging there. now what?

i don't sleep. still have to work today. have no idea how to fix the truck other than get it towed to, who? on a weekend? i have to work Monday. i have Dr's appointments on Monday. does insurance cover this kind of thing? how the heck much is this gonna cost?!?!?!? plus I'm in a lot of pain, and am now sleep deprived, and have no idea what to do next. i will start with coffee and prayer.

Motivation

Last Sunday I was able to witness a couple of friends push their bodies harder than I would ever wish to do myself. Tommy and Billy ran a 26 mile marathon, and finished in a time that would make any non-runner walk away scratching their heads, thinking..."why?"

I felt tears of pride welling up in my eyes as i watched these guys pass us @ the 15, 18 and 26 mile mark, running the WHOLE time with a smile on their face. They worked through some serious pain. It has motivated me, not to run a marathon, since it would take an act of God to get me to run more than 1 mile @ a time, but it made me really look inward and search for some purpose, some goal to reach for. Maybe it's to climb Everest someday, maybe it's to conquer the fear of diving, since I'm horribly afraid of drowning... maybe it's just to realize that our bodies were "wonderfully made", (it's a cubbies thing), and i am capable of a LOT more than what I think. Who knows. What I do know is that i am choosing to eat a little healthier, move a little more, and spend a little more time thinking about what I haven't tried to do because of self doubt.

He's home... again.

I have to say, Carrie Schmeck said it best in response to my bad day a couple of days ago. She said something like, "no wonder he's sicker this time, you punched Satan in the face the day before". Yeah, my bad. Sorry Randy. The enemy should be aware by now though, that all the glory goes to God, and he is no match for the One who created Randy strong in the first place. Not to mention all of the prayer warriors out there, and the fact that, if he thinks that he can get Randy to sing a different tune like he tried to get Job to, he's in for another loss. Cancer sucks for sure, and chemo is even worse, but it's still no match for our God.

Satan is trying to trip me up too, by making my life seem miserable and desperate, but by simply stopping and realizing that everything that I have and desire is in God's hands, and I can't control any of it, it takes the power out of Satan's hands once again. HA! I know i just picked another fight with the devil, but I'm just in that kind of mood.

one of THOSE days...

Frick! i can say that, right? too bad if not. i already done did it.

this is one of those days i want to erase and move on from. nothing seemed to go right. Randy's really sick this time. i feel like i have been driving all over town today, and have gotten nothing accomplished. i'm putting myself to bed, and waking up tomorrow to coffee, premade, and i'm not getting out of jammies until AFTER i take the kids to the school bus. i'm gonna be that mom that shows up in a bathrobe with curlers in her hair and coffee in hand. HA! right, who am i kidding, i don't wear curlers...