Wednesday, June 24, 2009

joy

there are times in life that you look around when you feel like you have nothing and find joy in the things you do have. we have always been good at that. we have been broke before and still managed to have fun with whatever we had, and know that better times would come. we would eat ramen, cuddle around the tv (if it wasn't shut off), and just enjoy each other's company. we always had our health, so that was something to be thankful for. i have to say, these last 6 months have stripped us of so much, including randy's health and it's getting harder and harder to find joy in the things around us. yesterday, randy asked me if i thought there were times in life that we may just not have joy, and maybe God is teaching us to be ok with that. i'm starting to wonder. i have always been the encourager for randy, since he was for everyone else, but it is really hard on days like these to look over at him, when he looks very frail, and tell him to find joy in something. tv, books, this house, pool, food... all the things that used to bring him joy have no meaning right now. it's contagious too. i have had enough of just laying there watching tv, or reading, i don't like to swim alone, food just makes you gain weight, so why bother since that's another battle i'm fighting. the kids still bring us joy, but they are so independent now, they are either at their friends house, or here with all of there friends. i feel like all i do is clean house do laundry and when i do stop, then i worry. i want to find joy again. i hate feeling like "what's the point?" this morning i woke up with an overwhelming feeling of sadness and i don't want to walk down that road of depression again, that's why i'm venting. maybe some of you guys who have been here can give us some ideas.

4 comments:

Amy Culp said...

I will be praying for you today....that God will help you find joy in the little things again. You guys are always on my heart.

mary said...

Come visit, you won't swim alone and the kids can play! There are times when life is hard and no fun, but look at the bigger picture and remember this one thing,this one moment, does NOT define who you are! You are loved!

Nicole said...

Strenghth..."Life is very interesting...in the end, some of your greatest pains, become your greatest strengths."

Friday will be fun...I'm so glad and even happier to have met you that day on the kids' field trip. And PS...what did Randy think of Gillian's flowers? LOL

Annie said...

Bring your kids on over and swim here with me & mine! When I've been fighting depression, I do find that regular everyday exercise really does help...just a half hour a day. And I read the Psalms.

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