i'm up, then down, then up, then down...

what a roller coaster of a day. poor Randy is doing what he does best. making me laugh so i don't kill someone. He's the only person i know who can make a joke about me PMS-ing and get away unscathed. i think for him validating that fact, combo'd with me not eating until it was too late, (which either one by itself is bad news for the people in arms reach), turned my day around. Not to mention that i am stressed out of my mind. Tomorrow is gonna suck. we already know that. we feel like we are walking into, well, hell. i'm trying to make an appointment for a root canal for tomorrow at the same time so we can't go, but no one's buying it. i think someone tipped off the all the dentists in town...

anyways, it's 8:45 pm. just started laundry for tomorrow. it's gonna be awhile before i can go to bed. i am contemplating a glass of wine and plan on reflecting on today, and figure out how not to relive it again. i've gone 2 weeks without even so much as a tear, and then today, i see at least 5 people in town and lost it each time. IT'S AWESOME FALLING APART IN FRONT OF PEOPLE! :(

i ended on a good note by having a good talk with one of randy's best friends. he shed some light on some things and it should carry me over for a couple more weeks, (minus tomorrow. i already gave myself permission to cry tomorrow) it's great to know that comfort can come from the unlikely-est of places.

that said, i see myself going into a "do-it-by-myself" mode. that's way more comfortable for me, and a lot less taxing on my friends. it would suck to use up all of my favors right now... i like my little bubble. i like feeling safe, and i don't feel safe when i open myself up to other people, (family excluded) i am fully capable of doing more than i give myself credit for, and plan on making that my goal.