...

 i am so happy that God has allowed me to walk this path, even though it may not be exactly what He wanted, and this is the reason... when we have it all together, when we obey all the rules, we aren't needing God in such a desperate way. when we are "perfect" we tend to view those who aren't rule followers as sinners and not worthy of God’s love. i fell victim to this. i am sad at the judgment i bestowed upon others in my past. i love that God loves me enough to allow me to walk in their shoes so i can see the rest of the world as He sees them, and show them the love and acceptance that i so desperately crave right now. society tells me to go hide my face from God in shame, but HE tells me to look up so he can wipe my tears and let me see the love He has for me. being a mom, i can understand that. life has natural consequences, but as a mom, my job is to hold them and love them anyways, especially when they mess up. that's when we need to be held the most. i kinda think God likes it when we need Him as twisted as that may sound. i hate it when my kids are sick, but damn it if that's not when i get to cuddle with them the most.

Jesus understood the broken, because he walked in their shoes. He was hungry, dusty and thirsty. He was scared, deceived and despised. i have been all of these things. the other thing we have in common: God loves us both the same. i will never be able to redeem the whole world like He did, but i will die trying to save those that God gives me to love. in this case, this baby might just grow up to change the word! and as for me and mine "we will never be ashamed".

my favorite verse, once again, "we rejoice in our sufferings knowing that suffering produces endurance, endurance produces character, character produces hope. and hope does not disappoint us because of the love that God poured into our hearts through the Holy spirit". Romans 5: 3-5. i will never let go of the hope of a life spent with Christ. i am just fine suffering and being held by God, because if that's where i am at, and people want to see me, they will see Him too!

              

i suppose i can catch up on this blog...

It's been almost 3 1/2 months since i've written. not sure what that means. i usually write when i have more to say than i can get out in a day and it just overflows onto the blog. sometimes i write because i'm feeling overwhelmed, sad or just feel the need to update others of what's going on in the miller household. today, i just simply want to give my self a starting point so i can continue writing again.

state of the family: excited for Molly. we are 3 months away from holding, loving, kissing and spoiling her. the crib is ready for her. she has diapers and a couple of new outfits and more shoes than i have in my collection. i have a feeling she's going to turn this house completely upside down with her presence. we wouldn't have it any other way.

since July, Me, Conor and Gillian have gone to Hawaii, started school and made it through 2/3 of a pregnancy without any hiccups. Robb is now 16 and able to get his licence. GULP! God help us. :) Conor is being home schooled. Gillian is owning the 5th grade. Jim is working his a$$ off to make sure the house runs smoothly, and i'm just trying to keep up. since pictures speak volumes, here's a few i've collected from the last few months:

Hawaii and henna tattoos

The pups, Conor testing out dad's bow and Robb's first day of school.

Baby Molly, Jim realizing Molly comes with pink stuff and us at the punkin patch

It's been busy, fun and trying at times but the love in this house keeps growing, just like my belly and we are loving every moment of it!

what a nice day

It's been way too long since Jim and I have had down time TOGETHER. Today, one by one the kiddos went off to various family members houses for sleepovers, so we have found ourselves on unfamiliar ground of being alone, together. So far, our day has consisted of lunch at Round Table, where we got to order grown up pizza's, eat a salad without anyone looking at us in disgust, and we both colored a picture... with crayons... lol. there was no one there asking for quarters for games or rushing us out the door because they were bored. Next, we walked through the baby and tool section at sears, walked through the rest of the mall like teenagers, got our samples at See's candy, and looked for a game at the game store. (which they didn't have. bummer). We made our way home, without melting completely, and are now hanging out in a quiet living room, watching Michael Buble' and Daves Matthews Band on HD, and deciding what to do with the rest of our night. sigh. what to do? what to do? i know it WILL end with us getting to sleep IN!!! Happy Fourth of July weekend folks.

so far this pregnancy ROCKS!

i really don't want to jinx myself by saying that i haven't been going through morning sickness, but at this point, when i was pregnant with Conor and Gillian, i was throwing up every 30 minutes around the clock for 2 months strait. so far, nada. just a little queezy when i smelt something a little off, but that's it. we're sitting right around 7 weeks, and i am full of energy. i walk with mom and the kids and little dogs 5 days a week. i drink mostly water all day long. my skin looks healthy because of all the hydration.my hair is growing faster thanks to the vitamins. the only drawback is the peeing every 5 minutes and giving up the yummy tastey beverages that could harm the baby. i am so happy at the moment.

i was looking for a dr for about a day, then decided to look into using the midwife that my neighbor has used 4 times, and we meet with her next week. i have always wanted to have a home birth, so maybe this will work out. i trust Deva fully. and to anyone who is concerned, an ambulance is always on alert when a homebirth is going on, just in case. i didn't have any complications before so i say we give it a shot. (by that i mean there will be a shot of whiskey waiting for me on my night stand for as soon as the cord is cut! lol) not kidding BTW. if hospital babies can handle all the drugs given to mom during labor, this one can certainly handle a little bit of whiskey.

lets just hope we're not haveing TWINS!!!

AAAHHHHH! guess what?????

We're having a baby!!!! SQUEAL!

book time

so today, i finally purchased my very own laptop. this is going to go a long way to helping me write the book that i feel called to write. (not to mention the bunches of you who keep telling me to write one) now, do i come up with a title first or just start writing and wait for the name to come to me later? hmmmm, we shall see. for today, i will work on getting the software i need to make my job a little easier. wish me luck!

Family

As you can see by my newly remodeled page, my family has grown by a few new faces. I love each of them so much. Each person in our circle has something to give. Something unique. Something special that no one else but them could bring to the table. Most of the time i just sit back and watch in awe of the gifts that they are. Conor makes me laugh. It's not his jokes, but HIS laugh that gets me to giggling. There's something contagious about his happiness that I can't defend against. Gillian, well, she's just the princess and has 3 boys in this house that dote over her. Anyone who knows her, knows that she is a happy camper because of it. She just spends her day playing music, being an amazing student and my little diva. Robb is just an amazing teenager who never looses. Not in games, arguments or any other social situation. He keeps music in this house and keeps me on my toes and a smile on my face.

 Jim keeps me grounded, focused and safe. I have been able to put my anxiety medication on the shelf. I have seen a new side of life through his eyes. He's taught me how to let go of stupid things that don't matter and give myself a break every once in awhile. He's saved me a lot of money from going to a psychiatrist. LOL Without these two men being in our lives, i would probably be rocking in a corner somewhere and being afraid to let my kids leave my sight.

Roxy and Tuesday

Our first family picture

Conor has Robb to teach him courage and how to not take himself too seriously. With Robb, Gillian has found her male equal. Good Lord, give me strength. I am thankful he absorbs some of her energy for me though. Tuesday and Roxy are inseparable. They are yin and yang, BFF's and the babies of the house. I think, between the two of them, they have more clothes than Gillian!

The 3 Weaver men

I am looking forward to summertime with the kids home and no homework!!!! We went on our first family vacation together last month, and it was EPIC. Nothing like the ocean to draw us closer together. I even got to meet Jim's parents. I love them already. Hoping to head back over to the coast next month to spend some more time with them for Fathers day. 

I am so thankful to the support system that we have, thankful to God for the gifts He gives us daily, the beauty He fills our lives with and the love that no one can take away.